Breaking Records And Taking F*cking Names. Caution: This Is Explicit Language. Hide The Kittens.

Let The Mother Fucking Barrage Begin!!

Now let’s start right here with IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED AND THINK THE WORLD (specifically yours) WILL COLLAPSE (without you on it, you self-centered fuck), AND THE COMMERCIAL REAL ESTATE BUSINESS IS DOOOOMED FOREVER BECAUSE YOU (specifically you) HAVE READ THE WORD FUCK and COMMERCIAL REAL ESTATE IN THE SAME SENTENCE. Please click off now and while you are at it go Fuck your condescending (by definition: having or showing a feeling of patronizing superiority, arrogant, disdainful) self!

If you do hang in there and make it to the end with your eyes squinted and your ears not bleeding I may have a little nugget for you. Maybe.

Ok, What The Fuck!

I’m getting frustrated and for reasons that are just fucking stupid. The most obvious is blatant ignorance.

And anyone in any industry can claim that. Insurance, Healthcare, Finance, etc.

“It’s so bad that this and this and that and this other thing and if we would just…”

It’s a generic statement that could be made by many about certain if not almost all industries in general.

But we in #CRE (It’s not #Proptech you arrogant British twats) have our special kind of ignorance, and (whilst) it comes with a caveat. Yes, it’s working just fine. You got this. All good. Make sure and check out the full bar before you leave.

It’s working now, today according to YOU. That little mention of a caveat (look it up) was directed directly at you!

You ignorant Fuck! Now, how offensive it that? Right there in the black and white text. “You ignorant Fuck.”

I can’t be saying you as in you could I?

You are KILLING It! You are fucking burying it every fucking day. By your arrogance and ignorance.

You are killing and burying the commercial real estate business, and you are making it FUCKING WORSE!

You are fucking it up. You are fucking up your “local market. You are fucking up your relationships, and you are burying the marketplace and the true value of that marketplace.

What? What? “How in the fuck dare you……” Yes, with your Fucking arrogance and Fucking ignorance!

The market could, would, should and will be ten times more valuable without your ignorant fucking ass involved in it.

Get The Fuck OUT!

NOW! Get the fuck out!

Yes, Fucking Transparency!

Yes, that’s part of what I’m talking about. but you are like “hey, I don’t even want to get into this whole data big data transparency bull shit argument again.” You don’t give a fuck and you don’t want to give a fuck.

Fair enough, or wait not this mother fucking time.

I did tell you to get the Fuck OUT! You are fucking killing us all! Killing THE ENTIRE Business with Your FUCKING IGNORANCE!

Here, in just a few artfully crafted words, I will for the last motherfucking time explain it to you. I don’t know why? I’m a fucking masochist I guess.

Transparency is the ability for the marketplace any marketplace to do what?

Transparency is the extent to which investors, users, tenants will can and do have ready access to required financial information about a company, property or asset which in turn helps to define such details as price levels, market depth and audited financial reports. Transparency helps reduce price volatility because all the market participants can and will base decisions of value on the same data. Companies, users, tenants also have a strong motivation to provide disclosure, as transparency is generally rewarded through the expansion and increased value of the marketplace. -Duke Long

Now, you are like “what the fuck we are already there now.”

Bullshit! Fucking Bullshit! BTW Copy and past that shit and use it. I give you permission That’s all me. Not some pasted shit from Wikipedia!

We are not there by any possible definition. What is transparent about the commercial real estate data in your market?

Fucking NOTHING!

Here is a quick and easy example. Your client list. Oooooh shit shhh shhh not that. You know what I talking about.

That shit is nowhere to be seen by anybody for any reason. Fucking EVER! Right? And you are like “fucking a right. don’t even go near that shit.”

Why not? Seriously, tell me. Be legit. No cuss words. Keep it real. Annnnd……. “Fuck off Duke!”

Come on I won’t tell anybody I promise. We’re dudes, we’re bros.(ohhh maybe not so much) We hang! Still, fuck off?

You won’t even use a dedicated CRM product provided by your company, will you? Why not? Chicken shit. Come on, you can do it.

Still, “fuck off?”

It’s your “PROPRIETARY” shit right? You won’t open that shit up like forever! It’s YOUR shit and nobody else can or will use it. EVER!

So, you’re telling me that no one as in no one knows the people and property information that YOU know, no one. It’s that fucking special. You have to must and will hide it at all costs or what? DIE? Again, NO ONE but you has THAT information. It’s worth what? Tell me. It’s your only way to create value in a marketplace. You have to HIDE and hoard information everyone probably knows. “But, Duke go fuck yourself, you of all people know why I need to keep this shit under my hat.” Of course, I do and that’s the problem. What part of killing and burying a marketplace value to help just YOU are we (the entire world) missing?

Side rant: Is that even possible? A rant within a rant? It is when I’m on a fucking roll. We as in you and I live in the here and now 2017 on planet earth. Rocket ships landing like a soft wedge, the internet open and generally cheap. Free and vivid (see what I did there?) 3d porn for all to see. Seriously, it’s the future. BUT we as in you and I will take a picture for business. You know a photograph, they call it photography, and put it next to some data about a property send it to a company and IF and I say IF you even attempt to use that photograph again in anyway shape or form we as in you and I have somehow via some form of universal alien protocol have agreed (ok, I have not agreed to shit) to get SUED out the ass for using the exact picture we took….in the first fucking place…….using photography.

Just fucking reread that last shit up there. Are we fucking adults? No, sure as fuck not. Who in the fuck thinks that’s a real thing. If you told a two six-year-olds that’s how things worked what do you think they would say? They might say a couple of those words they hear grandpa say when his team didn’t do so good. Or being intelligent children they would say, “that’s not real ” and go back to coloring.

How in the FUCK can the people who run the second or third or whatever largest asset class in the world allow that fucking assinine shit to happen? Lining up the two footers for you here. Shit, that’s the easy stuff.

Bro-ing Down?

How about the lack of collaboration in your market? I know I know. If you were to collaborate you could not compete. I get that. So let’s just push that one aside. Too touchy. You don’t want to seem like a dick for not being you know, open and helpful. That’s what collaboration is or is it? How about this. What if you were willing to share….or fuck no, wait I’m pushing again. I agree there are certain sets of data that shhh shhh, can’t be put out……” that’s not going to fucking work.” Your right. You know what we need to do? Just stand pat. Just stand here holding our dicks. Bro-ing out. You know bonding. Holding our dicks. Instead of making a better transparent marketplace by collaborating. Holding dicks is better. I hear. I think the actual term may be bro-ing down. How the fuck should I know? You might. Is that too much of a vivid (ha again) visual for you? That’s what it looks like from the outside. And hey, in today’s open and everyone is so awesome world we live in what’s wrong with that?

Can We Just Use Some More Fucking Space Already?

We are here to do but what in this world of commercial real estate? Maximize space. It’s maximizing to the fucking max space that needs to be maximized. You’re pretty sure about that if anything, you must fucking maximize. Especially in your market. Maximize and find people who will use and maximize some more fucking max space and when that get’s tight build some more fucking space so you can maximize the fuck out of all that max space. Are you sure about that? I mean more equals more and more to you means what? Yea, fucking more. But what if more is not the future of your market what if it’s, OMFG, LESS! How is that possible? Now you know this is so much bull shit right? How in the fuck does less equal more? What if the people using the space are smarter than you? What if they look at it like the commodity that it is. You say, “bullshit my market and the space in it will never be a commodity.” Oh, yes it will. How about terms or how about no terms at all. “Won’t work. Numbers don’t pencil.” How about space as a functioning spot for a community but only at certain times. You are rereading that one. Copy and paste. Maybe Google. Throw that one out at lunch and bathe in the silence. Keep up you old fucker. What about company space in a box with a turn around time of 30 days or less. What, no way. Add on no lease term. “WTF, come on, seriously.” Less space used less and less with shorter or no terms at all and pre-boxed and ready to go in no time at all. “How in the fuck does that work?” Quite well and it’s happening all over the world TODAY. I think that called maximizing a usable market. I could be wrong. Wait, I sure as fuck am not and neither is your potential user. What if it’s just a streamlined process that fits the real world? Oh, well fuck that then.

Build For Power Built For Speed.

She was 19 I was……  wait wait wait that’s not where I was going with this. Dude, focus.

Buildings or Built Environment. Defined as “the humanitarian-made space in which people live, work, and recreate on a day-to-day basis.” As in that where most all the fucking money is! Period. I’m not helping your lazy ignorant asses anymore. Get It or again Get The Fuck Out! Yes, yes transaction shit is where the action is at. Kill it, Eat it. F… it  (ooooh, that may have been too far even for me) you get my drift.

Creating value, finding efficiencies and managing a physical asset.

Seems pretty straight forward. Now, I need to give props to most of the built environment people. They get this shit and I am at a loss to find something they miss. There has to be something though and I do laud the legacy systems they use but it is not for lack of trying on their part to get to the edge and then some. Wow, was I just like nice right there? Complementary even and all warm and fuzzy.

Let loose of your (or that special bros) dick for a minute and look at the market through their eyes. It all the same to them on a certain level. They are looking for any advantage they can for sure. BUT, what differentiates them in that marketplace? Come on be ahead of me for once you fuckers.

Got it Yet? No?


Execution of what, in a mostly equal and transparent marketplace?

Ok, I’m not fucking giving that one up. Dude, you want me to help a bro out? I think we’ve established a few boundaries there already.

Your Eye For Real Talent. (Wink)

We are the smartest people in the room usually. Pretty much most of the time. I’m with you on that one.

What are we missing right now? Where is the real talent going and what are they attracted to?

It’s sure as fuck, not this antiquated bullshit we lay out in front of them.

How long does it take to get past the “you can make a shitload of money ” conversation before someone realizes how fucked our markets are?

We need some help and we need it fast. Of course, you could give a flying fuck, right? Your hanging on like a motherfucker just hoping nobody notices you don’t do shit! It’s called the Duke 20/80 Rule. Look it up. I don’t give a fuck about a link.

We need some people who understand finance. Big time finance. I’m taking numbers people. Ok, we all have to admit it. Numbers and #CRE are sexy. Makes the world rotate.

We also need real estate people who understand technology. Hell, they are everywhere, right? No, no they are not. You would not even believe the bullshit I stand in on a daily basis.

How about technology people who understand real estate? Holy fuck I have yet to meet ONE, Fucking ONE! On this earth. ONE!

(Personal request: Find me a real estate and finance person who understands coding and can sell. (Nick my boy perhaps?) That’s a fucking unicorn right there. That does not exist, I’m fucking dreaming. Oh and does not want to create a “marketplace.”)

Ok, hold up your hands and count. Companies with at least two of these people, making money. Start counting.

You know why you got to that number? The market and investors are voting with their checkbooks.

And did I mention how smart they usually are?

Inside conversation: I need to be careful here because this person will most likely skip all the other stuff and scroll to this part but….you are that special bro so, hey. I had a conversation recently. It went something like this, ” I have all the pieces and access to money you could ask for. Where is the idea that’s worth it? Where is the big play? There are people on the sidelines ready to come in.  Guess what I had to answer with. “There is nothing even close.”

Believe it or not, of all things I have written I’m most worried that I may have just crossed a line. Crazy, I know.

So, Here The Fuck We Are.

Should you be worried?

Does the word Disintermediation make you fucking pissed?

I wouldn’t worry about it.

The marketplace I just unloaded on it going to blow by you so fucking fast you won’t even understand what happened.

Keep doing what you’re doing until you show up one day soon and realize there is no market, at least not the one you want to work in.

I’m not being a dick (bro) I’m just laying it out in front of you straight and hard just like you want it.

You wouldn’t want it any other way would you?

I didn’t think so.


+1 Something special for those petit flowers who want the world to be all fluffy kittens and cute puppies.

We all need to make this world a better place for us all and no doubt you are one of those people and I thank you for that. I truly do. But, I’m sure there is at least one person you are sure the world could do without right now?

“If you can’t say anything nice………”

Breaking Records And Taking F*cking Names. Caution: This Is Explicit Language. Hide The Kittens.

+1+1 Imagine the stuff I cut out. And you are like, “you left some shit out? Duke, WTF?”

Add comment