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Open Letter to Tenants. How Hard Does Your Broker Actually Work? He Does Not Want You To Read This!

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Reaching out I set down the coffee cup and trying to focus I look at my Snapchat, no it can’t be not this early in the morning. What in the hell is she doing sending me pics of her tits? Shaking my head I can’t help but think about that amazing rack and how it has turned my life into total chaos. Ok, it’s not just her tits, wait maybe it is. I take my finger off the pic and it fades way. What was the message she sent again? ” Just Hi!”

“Hey honey have you looked at your calendar today. Check and see what you have this evening. We have the high school choir concert this evening.”

“Yea babe hang on a minute let me look.” Wow was I blushing just then did she see it? Probably my imagination or paranoia or both. ” I don’t see anything. It’s at seven right?”

“Yes at seven. You need to be there early so we can get a seat at the front.”

My daughter is one of the featured performers and if I miss this there will be holy hell to pay. I set a reminder alarm in my phone. After giving a wink to my daughter a fist bump to my son and a quick kiss to the wife I head out to the office. Traffic as usual is a bitch so I roll into the office with just enough time to grab another cup of coffee and head into the mandatory morning meeting.

It’s packed as usual. Everyone has to show face. Most of these meetings are a total waste. Stats about the market. Talk of potential clients and deals. Projections for the next quarter. Most people bury their heads into their phones checking email. Some crack jokes shoot the shit and talk sports. These things last way too long and never have a focus. Besides they send an entire agenda and notes of the meeting to me in email. So what’s the point again? Oh yea ” Let’s go team!”

After some bullshit “hey what’s up” talk in the hallways I wander into my office sit down and pull up my agenda for the day. Looks to have the potential to be a busy day. First I look at my call list. Gota call. Gota have the call list. Gota call and then turn in the list to my boss like a fucking third grader. Have I got some business from my call list? Sure but it’s not paying the bills. Gota have a call list. Gota call the list.

Filtering my email. There is so much shit that I have to filter. Why in the hell am I getting the same email blast from the same company about a property they don’t have listed that sold four months ago? That shit drives me crazy. I am pretty sure we do the same thing with our email blasts. I need to check that. I bitch but do the same thing. Out of fifty plus emails five actually make the respond and keep list. Glancing over I see the little green button blinking on my phone. Can it be? I reach over and press. No, just a couple of updates from Twitter and Facebook nothing important. I need to send her some kind of response.

“Mr. Broker line two.” Damn that speaker is loud or am I just hung over as hell? I pick up and it’s my clients assistant confirming our walk thru at 2:oo p.m. today. “Yes we are all set. Looking forward to it. Everything is ready and we have all the paperwork. I will be there early and make sure it’s open and set up. Yes and you too.” That went well. If I remember right that assistant is young and hot as hell. Why hire her otherwise.

“Are you going to have the time?” I look up and it’s the young stud from down the hall leaning his head in. He has asked me to sit in on a client meeting here at the office. If I remember right it’s some new tech firm with about twenty people looking to expand.

“Yea, no problem 10:00 p.m. in the second conference room?”

“Yea, that’s it. Thanks so much for sitting in. I appreciate your help.”

No problem kid I will walk you thru this deal because I know twenty things that are going to happen that you don’t and I got your back. I check my phone again, just a few more worthless emails and updates.

I hit the internet for a couple of minutes to check some scores and read a couple of articles on the Golf Channel and Golf Digest. Up pops a reminder about a BNI meeting this evening at five. Shit, I forgot to put that in my calendar. I am the president this year. I need to squeeze this in.

I head down the hallway to the second conference room. I flash the smile and extend my hand. ” Nice to meet you and nice to meet you too.” Two guys with backpacks beards and hair that looks like they put a product in it sit down at the other side of the table. I resist the urge to ask them if they have ever bought clothes in the mens section and focus on the task at hand.

They start in ” we are at Series B and need to think about what our footprint will be in the next three years.” Stud boy jumps in and mentions flexibility security and killer location all nice key words. He must be paying some attention. I keep the smile up and listen a little further.

“The number one thing we need is speed. It’s a must. It can be a deal breaker. It’s more important to us than water.” I glance over at stud boy to get his reaction and he chimes in.

” The two places that we have identified have at this time the fastest speeds anywhere in the city. As a matter of fact the city and county have designated these two developments for special tax breaks and incentives just for tech start-ups.”

” What about the length and terms of the leases? We need that flexibility.”

Stud boy looks my way ” Some of the standard lease terms are five to ten-year leases with some possible flexibility.”

“Whoa that’s way to long. No way we can commit to that kind of term.”

The blond dude with yellow pants looks up from his phone and says “Dude that’s fucking ridiculous. No one with any kind of funding can go to their board and get that approved.”

Stud boy looks at me for some help. “This is a standard term we have used in this market. It’s what the building owners need to make sure they have a solid vested tenant.”

The dark headed one with the red pants turns his head my way ” I don’t care what model has been used in the past. The companies we are killing and driving out of business use that model. That’s why they can’t compete.”

“So you expect the building owner to change just for you?”

” No not necessarily but someone will. They ones that don’t will just own empty decaying buildings.”

Red pants has some balls and some attitude. I like that.

Stud boy takes the meeting back over. More conversation and “dudes” are thrown around. Tour times are set. Big smiles man hugs weird handshakes and we are finished.

In the hallway. ” How much of a dinosaur did I look like in there?”

“Oh, dude no problem. You were a great help. I need you on this deal.”

I walk back into my office feeling like a one hundred year old man and then a beep. I look at my phone. There it is Snapchat. I touch the screen and there they are those big beautiful……… lips and another “Just Hi!”

Off to lunch to meet with an old client of mine. We are long time friends so it is usually casual family friendly chat. I pull into the big lifestyle center that our company reps and walk into the ” authentic mexican” communal table eatery place. I nod and acknowledge my good friend and he asks.” What kind of wabo cabo wasabi burritos are you having today?”

” Hey I’m on a lean and mean kick right now I will skip the wasabi this time.”

” Lean and mean. That’s you now?”

” Today it is. What”s up with you?”

” Well, I do have an actual real estate question for you.”

” Shoot.”

” We are maybe going to be in the market for some space.”

” Really, I thought you guys were pretty solid where you are.”

” Oh we are. Things are just going great and we are expanding.”

” Sounds great do you want me to do a quick search for you and send something to you?”

” Yea that would be a start. You know what we have. Show me something that will get my attention.”

On the way back to the office I check the phone again….just in case. Nothing. I need to send her something.

I lay the phone on the desk and start to search some listings for my new old client. First I eliminate all the listings from brokers that I know are pure assholes. I search where the CEO of the company lives. If the building is not close to that then there is no chance it makes the cut. How much time does it take to get to the airport from the location? Need to know that for sure. I search his wife. What charities does she involve herself in. Are they all in a specific community? That may be a key. Cost and quality. Class A only. Ready to move in only. The top five in I get paid. Why waste time looking at anything but the best. I call around to a few brokers to get the latest updates. I leave some messages and expect call backs with two or three days. I bitch but that’s about my average. I bookmark and link those in an email to the marketing assistant. I tell here to send ASAP. I set a reminder to follow-up in three days with my new best old buddy new client.

I glance down at the phone again. It’s blinking green at me. Oooo Damn!

It’s getting close to my two o’clock walk thru. I need to head out. This fucking traffic. I pull in and head for the front door. The receptionist flashes the big smile and I flash mine right back. ” I’m here to do a walk thru of 27 A”

“Oh, yes sir I remember you. You are the real estate broker. We had security check this morning. Everything is ready.”

” Great thank you. I will head up.”

In the elevator I check the phone again. Just emails this time. I get an idea. I hit Snapchat. Meeting at 5? I wait. Walking into the new space it smells paint and carpet fresh. The lights are on and the sun explodes thru the windows. Perfect setting to finish off this deal.

I hear a spattering of talk and the elevator doors closing. I turn around and flash the smile looking right at the assistant I talked to this morning.

“Hello how is everyone this beautiful afternoon?”

“Great fantastic. Wow, the space really looks beautiful”

“I think the contractors really took some pride with this one and it shows don’t you think?”

” This is our CEO and our CFO along with our executive staff.”

Handshakes and professional necessities finished we start the walk thru. I have done hundreds of these things. I walk around with a pad and pen taking notes as necessary. There is always going to be some question I can’t answer. Never fails. If I know the answer to one thousand they ask question one thousand and one. I hang back and let them talk among themselves and let them start to mentally move the furniture in. I feel a little vibration in my coat pocket. The little green button is blinking again. “Yes 5 where?” I message back. “The Spot.” The quick reply. “B There!”

The walk thru takes a good two hours and I am in no hurry. Everyone has taken plenty of notes and looked at the views from every possible angle. The CFO jokingly puts a note on one of the doors. Will give up Starbucks for one year to have this office! Lots of smiles and handshakes. The assistant stays a little after and we talk logistics and details for the closing and set up a conference call for next week. All I can think of is “Beautiful or Bulldog”  that’s how one of my friends describes all women in business at the C level.

By the time I get to my car it’s about 4:30 and there is not any time to head back to the office especially with the traffic I have been in all day. I glance over and see a coffee shop drive thru and decide a little caffeinated pick me up is what I need. Scrolling thru the phone a couple of emails need attention and I leave another voice mail for one of the brokers I called earlier.

It’s 5:00 p.m.

It’s 5:30 p.m. Shit, I missed that BNI meeting.

It’s 6:00 p.m.

It’s 6:30 p.m. My phone alarm goes off. I need to get to the Choir concert.

Walking up the steps I reach for the door and a nice elderly couple walks thru in front of me. I follow them to the auditorium. I head down the middle aisle and look to my right. My son raises his hand and waves. I slide into the chair and put my phone on vibrate and slip in into my coat pocket. I look over at the wife and she smiles. Right on time. The concert starts. Out walks my beautiful and talented daughter.

Open Letter to Tenants. How Hard Does Your Broker Actually Work? He Does Not Want You To Read This!

 

 

Photo Credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/76029035@N02/6829424691/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • Matt S

    Nice to know you still get SnapChats full of tits when you’re married!

  • grabass

    WTF is this post about. haha