I’ve Been Called The Most Quotable Person In Commercial Real Estate. Don’t You Dare Read This!

I’ve Been Called The Most Quotable Person In Commercial Real Estate. Don’t You Dare Read This!

Admit it. What a crazy year this was and I’m just talking about commercial real estate.

Throughout the year I write down some of the things I see, hear, and think about.

What follows are a few I found especially poignant.

“Number one funded company in #CRETech today is known as a sales company.”

“You are of course giving them the true and accurate data are you not? Or as true and accurate as far as you know.”

“There is noise because you allow it. Pick and choose what you want to let in. Stay local. Yes, I know your clients come from all over, but they want your local knowledge.”

“I asked how may people were using a dedicated CRM. Not one hand raised. (I blame the CRM companies…come on people.)”

“What if you choose to or made a concerted effort to move the transaction closer to your client?”

“Think like you are an IT person wait maybe think more like an IT vendor. How much do they rely on “triggers” or events to happen (think maintenance/upgrades) for them to make money?”

“That is for me the most important part and probably the reason I continue to write. I can’t help but think that there is another amazing person I will meet just around the corner, and we can help each other make this a better world in some way.”

“One of the first impressions someone gets about the business of commercial real estate is my seminal (look it up) rant about why they don’t have what it takes to make it in our business.”

“Let your wife’s second cousin’s tattooed JUCO drop out handle your website and online marketing.”

“Who owns the data? We sure as hell better take ownership. Is it thru proprietary agreements? Paid access? Membership? Commercial real estate must establish clear and informed consent on who exactly owns the data, who should control it and how it should be monetized.”

“The shitty software, the batshit crazy owners, the board members who are what I call one-minute attorneys accountants and brokers. They are smarter that all of us for just that one minute when it’s an issue they think they know more about that any of the others.”

“There is no longer any need to be held hostage by outdated and antiquated legacy systems.”

“I travel all over. I meet all kinds of people. Most if not all are nice and professional. Some are just a little bit more special.”

“So for now, as much as I include myself among those ardent proponents I must call BULLSHIT!”

“It’s easy to picture in your mind. Think of some people that are “famous” as defined by our society today. How many of them do you follow on Twitter? (Guess how may “famous” people I follow on Twitter? Fucking Zero!)”

“Need people to grow? Raise some fucking money and pay them.”

“You may be THE MAN, but you damn well want to make sure you either stay the man or you want to make sure that man who signs your checks does not take away the one thing you think is the most important thing to you. $$$$$$!”

“The gray market is data and deals that most people know exist but is not part of the market until it has a relevant piece of data that influences that market in some way.”

“My list of top 75 tech companies. Never going to happen again. Want to know who they are? $$$$ Cash money homey!”

“Webinar Circle Jerks. Wait, if they are with just your team and potential customers they are effective and excellent engagement marketing otherwise….Circle Jerks.”

“First off there are the lazy old fucks, and I mean old fucks are doing nothing.”

“Cling to that yellow pad and pen like it’s the last thing connecting you to reality and your true thoughts.”

“Proprietary data vs. Public data. Data = Gold. You might be amazed at how willing the owners of the proprietary data may be willing to share. (They understand what it means long term.)”

“Let’s start with this, one of the best SNL lines ever: “I’m what you call Twitter famous.” “What does that mean?” “Not famous.”

“They are two of the best and make the most money, but they SUCK as professionals because they are so damn good and get paid.”

“Get on the fucking boat and row or get the fuck off and drown like the rest of the weak asses.”

“His position was that if you do your job and do it well, you will never get to the phase of marketing that will require you to post the asset on Loopnet. His definition of the market did not include LoopNet in any way shape or form. It is not the real market.”

“Your burn and AR. Quit lying.”

“17 views, 36 views, 43 views. Does that justify the time and effort it takes to put those things together? How many times can you look at your own face?”

“Just for a start think of all the obvious related business around the data. Engineers, architects, construction. Some not so much, actual tenants or end users. The old age thinking that these people do not need, want, or should have access is RIDICULOUS.”

“But then again there are some people as the saying goes “that move the needle. Then there are some that are the needle.”

“On Twitter, I said that if I didn’t think your idea or company was great and slurped it up, you thought I was just a dick. Here’s looking at you Crowdfunding. Let the fraud begin and scams start collapsing…..now. Google that shit. It’s happening.”

“The key component for the big hitter commercial real estate brokerages is to use those transactions to create income from asset management. It’s a kick ass model don’t get me wrong. Residential can’t get near that; they have no chance.”

“And who owns and controls that data? The Building Owner. Period. No, not the broker. No, not the people who sue you because of a picture.( Yes, I know that’s what their fucking contracts say but who really gives a shit if that’s how you have to play.)”

“The buildings or structures themselves can and do create a narrative. That narrative then creates content.”

“YOU have the all the power in the world to define what the proprietary standard is for commercial real estate content. That has a real tangible value. A tangible value to you, your clients and your potential new clients. I would take that power seriously and use it.”

“Fuck the rest of the world as long as you are making bank! Fuck the commercial real estate business. Let it fucking change as much as it wants just as long as it doesn’t fuck with you.”

“Yea, I’m known for the F-Bombs. Where can you find this kind of real #CRE Content?”

“There is slogan out in the world right now stating that we need to ” Make America Great Again.” I have a question: When did we become “not great? ”Did we become not great when pasty white ass people like me stopped…….what? Not ruling most of the fucking world? Not doing almost every commercial real estate deal? Stopped owning most of all the commercial real estate in the most economically developed country in the world?”

“Whoever figures out how to fundamentally change how we interact when we discover and transact commercial real estate deals……….I will come and sleep in your yard until you let me fund your brilliant ass!”

“How many radical commercial brokerages have come along in the last five years? NONE! Fucking NONE!”

“You, people, are mostly hard driving dudes who make NO fucking money at all trying to “earn your shit” and prove to the old fucks you have what it takes. Again props.”

“Then why is it OK to trade assets without any REALTIME TRUE and ACCURATE DATA NOW?”

“Could we be building structures today that may be functionally obsolete is less than five to ten years?  Could we be building structures that are not only functionally but Morally obsolete? Start wrapping your head around that.”

“The Gap. It’s Probably Not What You Think It Is.”

“We agree that the system that has been put in place to create a fair and transparent market.”

“You and I both know the future of commercial real estate goes far beyond what most have imagined.”

“I’ve heard the argument and argument is such a fucked up way of phrasing it but “it works” the system works “we are all making money.”

“Fuck Diversity. Let The White Boys Reign! Just off that headline alone, I have 200 Trump supporters wanting to hold my dick.”

“Platforms are not here yet, but they are coming. Why? Not enough tools to make money by themselves. (Think Bloomberg)”

“Who wants to trade assets that have no verifiable data and therefore no way of defining a true value?”

“We All Now Live In The Commercial Real Estate “As A Service” World.”

“Every little word is calculated and thought out. Don’t imagine I am winging it. And guess what I call it? ADVERTISING!”

“If you own a brokerage right now how fast and hard are you going to try and make sure none of the people in your office read this.”

“You would _____ someone’s_____in public for a billion dollar valuation. Yes, you would!”

“Do you find it offensive that what you do could be compared to what most teens see as a starter job?”

“Do we want not only other industries but the consumer or clients themselves dictating the value of commercial real estate data? Maybe we do! What if the client or user of the data sets their own price for access. Do we gain a data history, preference and use for each?”

“Are We Now Creating Companies That Are Just As Shitty As The One’s They Are Replacing?”

” You mean the fact that you felt replaced in some way, so the transaction just wasn’t right.”

“And do you know what that low hanging fruit means to a startup? It means ” I don’t know what we are doing, but it looks easy as hell so let’s go after that first.”

“Not trying to steal this and can’t remember the reference but, “some people just want to see the world burn.”

“Guy does the most business in the office, and gets’s recognized for being the number one user of the companies tools and assets. The company makes a $150K profit from that use. The guy gets a plaque and a $25 Starbucks card.”

“This was written by me almost exactly 5 years ago. Here is the link. What has changed in the last five years? So many amazing things and not a fucking thing at the same time. WTF!”

“Not one person has ever said to me, “I have a fucking ego the size of the Titanic and love to see my face and hear my voice over and over.” Fuck that would be refreshing and do you know why? That’s what everyone thinks.”

“How many of you want to click off because I just equated fame with religion? Taking a narrow stance here but I am much more offended with the politically motivated and their quest for fame.”

“Ok, It’s my fucking fault. I purposely only target and call old white guys to be on panels. There I said it. Is that what you want? It’s white guys helping white guys be white guys.”

“I mean REAL fucking people, not just people in a room talking out their ass about something they have no real fucking clue about. (Can I use the word Puffery again?) Qualifier: If all you have done is read my shit and a couple of other posts= NOT QUALIFIED.”

“The fucking arrogance that was pervasive just four years ago is astounding now that I look back. You were going to do it your way or the way and model you “borrowed” from other companies doing t-shirts, hats, off sites and triathlon suits. Where in the fuck are they today? The same place your are. IN DENIAL.”
“Mentor my ass. All he does is mentor me to starve and on top of that I have to feed the old fuck anything and everything I get, and he is as lazy as shit.”

“Leave LoopNet alone. Let the market bury them. Let them bury themselves. Focus on more important products, tools, business models, and ideas.”

“I’m Calling Out All The Ladies of #CRE. Why Are You So Silent and Hard To Find?”

“Think of every building as layers. Each floor has it’s own individual layer. Each layer has sections or rooms. In every section or room, there are people. People are the stories of the building. Every individual in that building has a story, and that is and can be the narrative of each individual building.”

“Let me show you how. (Slaying many an ego and loving every minute of it here.) You have been and in your mind always will be the dominant generation. You are the market, and not one fucking thing has or will happen to change that. EVER.”

“I sometimes wonder if it’s because of my style of writing and obvious disdain for the pathetic norm that opens people up when they talk to me. I do think that some are guarded because they think it will end up on this site for thousands and thousands to read.”

‘White beards on the old dudes that are all the rage. I call it the Saint Santa wannabe look. Classic American imaging. Makes you want to hug a polar bear and drink a COKE.”

“Show me something more. Yea, I said my intros were my most valuable asset but for fuck’s sake do some shit for yourself.”

” That’s not a problem you know me. So you are thinking of going out and competing against the very people who helped you get started.”

“Attraction Marketing or How To Be UNFAMOUS! I wonder if being bald has anything to do with it?”

“Craig holds the record for Yards Per Catch at the Air Force Academy. How BadAss is that!”

“How much money did you piss away? How much? If I would have started my career with kind of money….. Holy Shit! Oh, wait that’s right you are still smarter…even today.”

“They see those big numbers attached to the deals and transactions then do a simple math equation. It makes their skin tingle.”

“I am the godfather of the 4 and 6 uptown and downtown express. It’s like a magic carpet. Poof, jump on, and you magically appear 30 blocks away in minutes.”

“I think it’s more like 20% doing 100% of the deals. The Duke 20/100. Sit back and think. Look around the office.”

“#CRE thought of the day. #CRE listings are not just data, but valuable content and #CRE really sucks at this!”

“The other 5% of the equation is pure Magic! Don’t know what that is exactly but when it’s there….!”

“How much does the product or service such as Airbnb increase the value of the data they have in their platform? Think about the #CRETech platforms out there now. Who is doing the best job at this so far? Hard to tell at this point.”

“Maybe The Lagging Adoption Of #CRETech Is Not Because Of People. It’s The Structures Themselves.”

“The startup companies are staffed with people from everywhere. Yes, even Alabama. It’s fucking New York.”

“Who in the FUCK ARE YOU? You as in the asshole who copies your “assistant” to coordinate with me the how when and where we, as in you and I, should talk!”

Looking forward to another spectacular quotable commercial real estate year.

Please: “Gimme fuel, gimme fire, gimme that which I desire!”  –  James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, and Kirk Hammett,

+1  How about last year? I’ve Been Called The Most Quotable Person In Commercial Real Estate. What Do You Think?

Duke Long

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