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Commercial Real Estate Satire?

horselaughing

See What Happens When I Quit Drinking!

A little fun at the expense of us all.

Are you famous?
Do you know someone famous?
Have you ever brushed up against someone famous?
Was it Sam Zell?
Did you think he’d be firmer?

Can you work the phrase “tipping point” into a sentence, without actually
reading the book, “The Tipping Point,” or even understanding what this
tipping point thing is? Can you pretend to know something without knowing anything?

Do you have a black and white picture of yourself, with your chin resting
comfortably on your fist or with dark glasses? When you stare at this picture, do you get a
warm fuzzy feeling, not unlike urinating when you are drunk down your leg?

Have you ever claimed that you are a fiscal Republican yet morally bankrupt?
Just so you can spout lefty crap at parties?
You still go home alone, or a least without your wife, don’t you?

Do you run a progressive multi-channel “commercial real estate group” blog? But it’s really just you, isn’t it?

Do you post comments at www.dukelong.com? And hope Duke might respond? When he doesn’t, are you sad? Later, do you repeatedly stab the collage of pictures you made of him?

Do you speak of yourself in the third person?

Do you wear a baseball cap when you go to Adele concerts?
Does it hide your bald spot?
Do you get at least one little tear every time you hit this site?

Are you a Globest.com commenter?
Have you seen how thin some of the bios are? 🙂
Have you ever wondered what you did wrong that you haven’t been invited to blog?

Do you look up the Co-Star Power Broker Awards? Do you then realize that only people using Co-Star are on the list?

Do you then decide to get on that damn list? Only to decide that the gold stars your 2nd grade teacher gave to you(and you did not have to pay) meant more to you than that damn list? If it does not include everybody then who gives a shit and you feel dirty for looking at the list in the first place.

You finally meet someone from an online connection who seems genuinely impressed with you your content and point of view. They then ask “how’s business”?

Of course the smart ass standing next to them says “why don’t you ask his dad.” 🙂 God I love that one!

Look up. Go ahead look up. Yea, no way you are getting anywhere near that. Your Mad Men fantasies need to stay just that! I know it sucks.

Oh and the shirt no tie look. Looks like shit! “Combed my hair a thousand ways.It came out looking just the same.”

Thank you so very very much for the endless motivational quotes on Twitter. Inspiring to you? I just look at my daughter every morning. That get’s me fucking motivated!

I reference to Twitter. When “Gangsta” creative multi-media types try to follow you. You have gone mainstream.

Well, I could go on for days and unfortunately probably will.

A little to close to home? Go ahead and take some shots.

Again…go ahead!

Photo Credit:http://www.flickr.com/photos/9422878@N08/

 

 

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  • Bobschecter

    Was this after you quit, or the reason you quit?

    Hey, I’m sober, I enjoyed it, so maybe I should quit.

    • Anonymous

      I quit for like 5 minutes :):)

  • Aaron Weiner

    That urinating feeling you referred to. I don’t know. I’ve never been “drunk down my leg”…

  • Brent Greer

    Duke, love it!! Drinking my morning tea and nearly bust a gut laughing. I hear you! The whole world hears you!

  • good job duke.