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Commercial Real Estate Rant. Caution: Bad Language Bad Grammar Lots Of Attitude.

  1. All male dominated. Where are the ladies? Hell they make all the decisions anyway.
  2. Lots of frat boy status conscious pricks, from those high dollar “state” schools.
  3. Who of course always think they can bullshit their way thru anything. It worked for their old man,of course they are so much smarter.
  4. Everyone thinks that they are fucking Donald Trump  when in reality they are  a “bad “version of him.Think Hair!
  5. The sons of big hitters that think they are the shit because daddy’s name is on everything. Of course they won’t admit it until closing when daddy shows up to sign all the paperwork for the LLC. Then they sit like daddy’s good little boy.
  6. Kids of principles. Are they really related to the “Boss”? Did the old man have to build a building at the juco just to skate the kid thru a Sociology minor? The daughter is of course HOT and smarter and married to some bearded social media pussy. HIS mommy wears a “scarf” and always talks about not being able to keep “good” help.
  7. Principles partners of course are the real hitters and hire their wives and put them on the PR/ Social Media committee, to you know, keep the” pulse”.
  8. Politically “hooked up” people who think they “smile” and the deal works just for them only. Of course they want and or have a piece of the LLC. Naturally  not allowed to vote on the deal. God forbid there be a hint of conflict of interest.
  9. OK, your dad was the X mayor like back in the 70’s.Big fucking deal.The bow tie and stache are just sad.Your dad had a little juice because he earned it.You have zero.So you are on the Area Plan Commission.You did not invent the city.Stay the fuck out of the way.While on a roll… The Anglophile thing .WTF?
  10. Assholes that think their town/county/borough/city will collapse if they don’t touch any and every deal that comes to town.They truly believe it!
  11. Bankers and board committee members of the banks that look at all the deals…turn them down…Then call the owner/deal maker and offer to do the deal themselves without the bank. At a reduced cost of course.So nice!
  12. So Mr. Banker you take me to lunch to what…. get to which of my clients again? Of course remembering my name when we are at lunch may help. Oh yea,it’s Zell with a Z. You self serving asshole.Your boss the prez of the bank remembers my name.Tell him to learn how to putt and the rematch is on.
  13. Ladies or wives of principal,owners,buyers who still think Doris Day and Rock Hudson (the gay thing was like  …whatever) was and are still their real role models.The big hair and the Caddy…you think  Casino..the movie…everyone else  thinks Casino the boat kind.
  14. Every asshole in commercial real estate runs for some kind of political office.
  15. Amazingly of course they are devastated when they don’t win. Obliviously,not understanding that people not only don’t vote for them,they vote for somebody that they have never heard of just to make sure that the commercial rel estate asshole does not get a vote.
  16. People who come into a market from a bigger market and of course realize that they know everything about the “little” market and that it is so much easier to do business and get deals done. Of course it does not happen because they do “not shit” in their market either.
  17. No one from a “little” market has any chance of getting any deals in the “big” market. You will be dam lucky if you get a referral agreement,and if you do GOOD LUCK getting paid!  The names used are:  provincial ,pissant ,podunk ,hillbilly, resi guy,  or ” who the fuck  are you again”!  Of course the first question they ask no matter what your age. Where did you go to school? Answer……who gives a shit?
  18. Lawyers. Endless list. Fill in your own. If you are a lawyer,please comment with your real name address and home phone number attached. (Howard you are exempt!) We all trust you really…. we do!

Well, was that really necessary? The language the nasty? Not really expecting to get a lot of positive responses or support.Not really looking for it.There are a lot of smart and wonderful people in this business…..sometimes some of them do not show up.

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  • David Sigg

    Great post, as usual, Duke!

    Whether we want to admit it or not there is an awful lot of truth behind what I found to be a humorous (and accurate) perspective.

    • David,
      Thanks for commenting. This may have been a little too vulgar and raw for some. Thank you for seeing the humor and unfortunate truth. Posting lots of cute furry kittens and sugar coated candy in the future.

  • Jerry Porter

    Hilarious! Happy New Year, Duke!

  • An impressive share, I just given this onto a colleague who was doing a little analysis on this. And he in fact bought me breakfast because I found it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the treat! But yeah Thnkx for spending the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love reading more on this topic. If possible, as you become expertise, would you mind updating your blog with more details? It is highly helpful for me. Big thumb up for this blog post!

  • Not like others haven’t thought the same thing… Re women, I am proud to say that one of the company’s I work with has a pretty good percentage of women agents – several quite successful and one head of the office’s retail council. It really does depend on the principal broker…

  • Anonymous

    Keep on Ranting!

  • Bitter are we? hehehe Still loved it.. There was so much fucking, now that is is over I feel like a cigarette.

  • Good stuff. My Dad’s tenure as Mayor of Palo Alto back in the ’80’s hasn’t done me a heck of a lot of good, though.

    Oh, and definitely NOT telling you if I run for city council…

  • I’m probably your only reader that is NOT in the CRE world, but this is why I check in on this blog — because it’s got some attitude. Keep up the good work. Heck, you may just convince me to enter the CRE profession.

  • Dukesb2b

    Well that certainly was a rant. The movie moment that comes to mind is they can’t handle the truth. Hopefully you won’t come across one of these folks at the closing of your next big deal. That would be my luck!

    Still a great read.

  • Sharon

    You got my attention with the first rant! But then, it only gets better as you move down the list. Each rant recalled a memory from 33 years in the business. So much truth in a fun twisted way that I am going to forward along to a few of my clients who have commented on some of these truths as well as my female partners in our firm. Thanks for the entertainment!

  • mikey

    Duke,
    Who do I see about getting my 2 yrs. back? As in GOT DRAFTED and sent to you know where. It was a prison sentence. Was I free to go? No. Could I just say; I don’t want to do this? No. Taught me 1 thing, I can endure! That’s my rant and I thank you for the opportunity to rant.

  • Duke, if you’d like to meet the ladies in this industry please join me for an upcoming Crew event